I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry. I'm just worthless. I want to
help my friends, but I'm unable to do anything. When they suffer, the only thing I can do is cry.
To say things more clearly...I can't stand it any longer.
Sometimes, I wonder if my dying could be a better choice than staying here. I'm scared. I feel like I can kill sometimes (no, this is not because I watch Higurashi no Naku Koro ni, it's true), and I
have frightful headaches. I can't really explain what happened.
I haven't any memories of my childhood (7 years of my childhood have disappeared), I'm worthless, I suffer from an inferiority complex, and my birth is meaningless. (Warning, replica complex.)
But I'm serious. I...I want to change. I need to change. I HAVE to change. (Replica complex, again.) But I can't.
Everytime I try to change, some of my friends make fun of me.
I...I feel like I'm fading away. Really. I'm so scared, I try to explain that to my parents, but none of them hear me, or just ignore me.
I really wonder why am I alive, and why that is happening to me..
I'm sick of all. Everything has became insipid...
I try to hold, and the only ones who give me some hope, are my friends, and my Onee-chan
I can't explain what is happening to me...but how ? And why ?
I'm scared. I'm scared that no one can help me...Yes, I've made mistakes, yes, I missed to kill someone when I was in primary school, yes.
But still...I'm scared...both of my parents prefers my little brother. I know that he's autistic, but still...
I need help. That's why I always fell in love with imaginary characters...especially Luke. He...resembles me. And if only he was real...I will be glad...but if he was real, no one can tell if he'll be friend with me...*sigh*
And if it will...I'll can cry freely. And then, he could give me hope, too.
I'm a hopeless dreamer. Still hoping for things that can't happen.
That's why, if it continues like that, I will abandon any hope.
But...I'm still...myself. A stupid, shy, sad, hopeless girl...without any meaning of birth.
"I don't even have a past to lose ! But I've still decided that I'm me. It doesn't matter what you think. Here I am. If that's the source of the strength you're talking about, then I won't lose !"
Luke...if only that could be true for me too...that could be stupid, but I even prefer being a replica, than being a shy girl.
Meaning of Birth...I'm one of the people who doesn't have one. And then...why am I alive ? If I was a replica, I could die freely...but I can't.
Tell me why I have to stay here. "Your friends loves you, you can't die so easily !"
I know. But still.
"To get my happiness, I have done everything...but had done nothing to be blamed and accused of. The sound of footsteps became louder everyday...then I noticed the fact there was no time. I was a believer in life, to be myself always, and was asking whether I would be alive...Give me a reason, why not, to adapt in this way, or judge me to be guilty of so many incurable sins...Tell me why, or why not, complaning the way too much...maybe I overlooked something fatal for me..."
Heh...one of the part of this song is true for me..."Tell me why, or why not, complaining the way too much...maybe I overlooked something fatal for me..."
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Friends :
Member of :
Links :
Fate's Dream Sanctuary
Sora no Shoujo (French)
CeriniaKlaine's journal
Devious Comments
--
Große Wünsche sind Still,
bis sie endlich jemand weckt.
Und der Freund den ich will
hat sich in meinem Wunsch versteckt.
I'm so sorry. I feel awful that I can't say anything besides what you usually probably here.
I believe every person has their worth, and that of course includes you. It may not be apparent what that is now, but I believe in time, you will find it.
Just please, stay here with all of us. You say you wonder if dying could be a better choice...it's not. It never is. If you were to die...those who love you would be devastated. You say your parents prefer your brother and don't listen...well, I'm sure they would be absolutely devastated if something happened to you. And we your friends would be utterly devastated.
If it helps, you know Moon and I are always here to talk to. If you need an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, we're here.
Just find things that make you happy, and in time, your purpose, what you want to do with your life will become apparent. Right now, your meaning of birth...is just to live. Be here with all of us, and live your life so you can find the answers you seek.
--
You're gonna melt all the ice in my head...
Why was I born? Who am I? Why am I alive? I still don't know, but because of you two, I regain some hope. Arigato gozaimasu.
--
If I move, if I move, everything will break, everything will break. If I'm sad, if I'm sad, will my heart be able to turn white? I still know nothing about you, about me, about anything. If I can open my heavy eyelids, if I break everything, turn black!!
--
Große Wünsche sind Still,
bis sie endlich jemand weckt.
Und der Freund den ich will
hat sich in meinem Wunsch versteckt.
--
If I move, if I move, everything will break, everything will break. If I'm sad, if I'm sad, will my heart be able to turn white? I still know nothing about you, about me, about anything. If I can open my heavy eyelids, if I break everything, turn black!!
"Why am i born ?" You're born to live , from a little light of love.Even if your parents aren't here always for you , or never, you don't always need them to be happy.I can't say many things about this..I've always been alone never asking help. Even if my parents were here for me , i never asked for help. You need help ? Yes but you need to be strong too. It's hard i know but you need to. Some of your friends laugh at you when you try to change , i know that , but You don't care about them ,About me too , You're the one and only one who can say who you are and who you want to be.I've laughed too , i know but because you were looking for something who wasn't possible for an human.But if you're in the really bad way be sure i'll be there .
Who am i ? I wont say your name i know that you don't like it. You are you . Who you are so ? Don't be sad (Mind if i speak French ? XD ):
Tu es certainement une étrange fille .. Quoi que pas vraiment. Tu es quelqu'un qui est habituer à être stresser par quelqu'un d'autre pour avancer et maintenant que tu atteint l'âge de l'adolescence tu prends des libertés et tu refuses d'être poussé encore. Mais après ça tu ne sais pas quoi faire car il n'y a personne pour te pousser. Tu es quelqu'un .. Une fille qui se trouve devant des millions de chemins différants et qui doit faire un choix. Malheureusement tu restes très attentive à ce que les autres penses et tu recules à chaque fois que tu veux avancer. Tu te bases sur des personnes dont leur chemin sont tracés pour avancer et tombe à chaque fois. Luke fon fabre te ressembles car lui aussi a perdu la poussé qui le guidait et s'est retrouvé face à ce choix. Il a réussit à le trouver mais il est sure que tu ne pourras pas prendre le même chemin . Je ne peux pas dire grand chose à part que tu dois trouver seule ce chemin. C'est dur n'est ce pas ?
Tu te sens stupide .. Parce que tout le monde autour de toi à déjà trouver quel chemin adopté et que toi non. Ne te crois pas faible à cause de ça car c'est faux. Personne ne peux t'aider à choisir. Juste t'orienter , et encore non ce n'est pas comme un pour trouver un travail. Une personalité ne se fait pas par chance elle se trace et se réfléchie. Tu as peur car tu n'as toujours pas trouver quel chemin prendre ou tu n'oses pas. Les autres ne peuvent rien faire pour t'aider. Je ne peux rien faire pour t'aider non plus. C'est à toi et non à ta mère ,ni à autre de le faire . Dur et facile à dire , pour moi qui n'est simplement choisit aucun chemin et qui est restés devant pour observer et aider...
Pourquoi est tu en vie? Pourquoi le suis-je?.. Pourquoi la vie existe ? On ne sait pas c'est ainsi c'est tout..
Ne prends pas toute tes erreurs comme un coup de marteau sur ton crâne , mais plutôt comme une leçon , tu fais des erreurs , tu en feras encore. C'est normal mais plus tu en fais et étrangement.. Plus tu trouveras quel chemin prendre. N'ai pas peur de te tromper , d'échouer ou de tomber. Sinon tu n'y arriveras pas..
Pour tout dire : à mes yeux , tu es une fille intelligeante , suceptible , gentille et motivé , un peu Stupide par moment ( hey tout le monde a des défaults >_> , surtout Estelle U_U) Mais.. Qui vraiment n'as rien à perdre si elle tombe. On la ramassera , je te ramasserai.
Le passé est le passé et tu ne peux pas le changer que tu le veuilles ou non. Alors tu dois lever la tête et avança pour un meilleur futur, si tu as besoin de conseils ,je suis là les autres seront là ,certains ne te plairont pas et c'est normal.. Mais tu n'as pas à perdre espoir et surtout pas si jeune. Tu es entouré de personne qui sont plus grandes que toi , certain plus débiles , mais même ces personnes plus débile te donne envie d'un côté car elle s ont trouvé un chemin.. Tu trouveras le tient tu as besoin de temps . Le temps est court et rapide ,mais alors triche et cache toi du temps..
" Why or Why not ? This song is clear .. The girl choosed her way and scream on others who are against her why or why not.. At the end she win"
(Je penses que j'ai bloqué deviant art à écrire comme ça , missante Risa ><
"If you nedd to cry then cry, if you need to scream then scream , If you need a home i'll be your Home "
--
Life is a mystery... a painfully Mystery..
I don't know you but simply don't fall, I know what you're feeling, it's horrible, but it's not true, there's always you can do, support the people you love, make all the things all posible to you, but don't think about dying, because the life is like that, horrible and wonderful things happen...
Don't feel bad.
See?
Your Onee-chan is supporting you because she love you, and she doesn't want see you cry, so don't say that...
If you like.
We can be friends, if you feel something, talk to me too, gladly I help you.
--
Visit me plz!!
I have cookies, if you want, visit my gallery.
<(o3o)> FISHY FTW!!!
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